Weezer - Weezer (The Red Album)

Pork And Beans (Album Version)...

Anyone who was on the internet the weekend of May 23rd, 2008 can probably recall the first time they saw Weezer's music video for the first single from their third self-titled release, called "Pork and Beans". The video was essentially a three-minute thrill ride through the best and worst memes and isms that the world wide web has spawned since its birth. This catchy little piece of pop culture brought a new hope to Weezer fans worldwide; the same fans that had essentially given up on the band after a series of mishaps, namely 2005's miserable Make Believe and Rivers Cuomo growing an ironic mustache. All was good in their power-pop kingdom, and The Red Album was expected to be their best since the murky sound of 1996's cult classic Pinkerton.

But their dreams were cut short upon the album's release, when we discovered that this was Rivers' attempt at producing his very own White Album, and the initial steps of the band's transition into the tweenybopper/pseudo-trendy vibe that plagued last year's Raditude, an album whose biggest highlight is the overly ambitious dog on the cover. The Red Album is riddled with tracks about getting dangerous, making trouble, and even features the other members of Weezer singing on a few songs; however, I regret to inform you hopefuls that the colorful and lively "Pork and Beans" is probably the best the album has to offer.

Rivers' enigmatic desire to be hip and trendy is a recurring theme throughout the ten tracks. In "Troublemaker", he sings of being edgy and "marrying a bee-otch/having seven kids". In "Pork and Beans", he stops at nothing to make sure he gets his point across; he will do the things that he wants to do, and he doesn't have a thing to prove to you. He even refers to himself as 'the greatest man that ever lived' at one point, a title that will likely never be bestowed upon him unless he gives up on becoming a high-school quarterback-esque figure that 'can't stop partying' and goes back to the persona he carried on the group's first two albums: the guy that got his ass beat by the high-school quarterback.


"You wanted arts and crafts?
How's this for arts and crafts?
WANAAUANUAUAAUANUANANUUNNUNNUNNN
That's right!"

-Rivers Cuomo


Final Score: 55/100

Hüsker Dü - Zen Arcade

Zen Arcade isn't as much of an album as it as a journey. That journey is a tumultuous, bleak one; the album tells the story of a boy who leaves a troubled family life only to discover, after a series of misfortunes and mistakes, that the world outside his home is even worse. Breaking new ground in the genre, inspiring entire generations of offbeat alternative rockers, and, to some extent, even the modern emo scene, Zen Arcade is undeniably one of, if not the most, influential albums of the 80's. Instead of limiting themselves to the hardcore punk that populated their previous albums, so reckless and raging it could smash a brick wall, lead songwriters Mould and Hart branch out a little bit, incorporating folksy acoustic ditties, monotonous psychedelic tape loops, and a feedback-heavy jam called "Reoccurring Dreams" that's almost fifteen minutes long.

This isn't to say that the album is without it's flaws. You simply can't have a magnificent, sprawling punk opera without your fair share of filler, and Zen Arcade is no exception. However, some of the album's lesser songs work exceedingly well in capturing and building the mood of this furiously theatrical masterpiece. We get an introspective look at the pains of separation and divorce in "Broken Home, Broken Heart", glimpse heartbreak in "Never Talking To You Again", and feel an overwhelming sense of adventure as soon as "Chartered Trips" kicks in. The middle provides some interesting albeit repetitive material, but the record's truly memorable moments occur within its closing tracks. "The Tooth Fairy and the Princess", a mesmerizing piece of pseudo-psychedelia, provides the perfect segue into the album-defining "Turn on the News", Bob Mould's brash views of the media's tendencies to hype modern horrors for fun profit. But these pale in comparison to the record's closer, "Reoccurring Dreams"; never has an album's music felt so tied to its artwork like the pale, lonely cover of Zen Arcade is to the frantic, rushed sounds of a fourteen-minute jam session that terminates an ungodly sprawl of musical numbers. Zen Arcade reigns today as the Bible of alternative rock, a title it may never lose.

Final Score: 95/100

Weekly Countdown: Five of Hip-Hop's Greatest Songs

Hip-hop has garnered its fair share of fickle hate from people everywhere, the oppressors of the genre claiming that it takes zero skill to spout off line after line of clever internal rhyme and create some of the most beautifully bleak urban imagery ever heard in music. Others will defend the genre's "golden age", and dismiss the more modern workings as pure garbage. I understand that music in itself is entirely subjective; you decide what you enjoy and what you don't, and if you don't like rap, that's your decision. But give the genre's finest a spin; maybe it'll change your mind.

5. Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke



4. Jay-Z - 99 Problems



3. Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth - They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)



2. OutKast - B.O.B. (Bombs Over Baghdad)



1. Nas - N.Y. State of Mind

The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America

Chips Ahoy - The Hold Steady

Letting your influences control your sound can lead to disastrous results. Just look at Nickelback, Creed, Puddle of Mudd, and... well, the entire genre of post-grunge. On the contrary, it is entirely possible to overcome this curse and carry the sound of your heroes while still remaining fresh. The Hold Steady are a wonderful example of such a band. They manage to blend all the spirit and energy of punk rock with some of classic rock's most famed and prominent motifs. Packing heavy use of the piano and massive guitar riffs that only add to the moving force that is Craig Finn's voice, the poignant stories of desperation and heartbreak in the big city are brimming with emotion; a special kind of emotion that refuses to stop at any point throughout the forty-minute thrill ride that is Boys and Girls in America.

Finn's style of singing is rather coarse, almost akin to Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk. But in a similar comparison, their voices both fit the music performed by their respective bands extraordinarily well; they utilize driving, passionate vocals and raw power to elevate their music to a whole new level of emotion. Finn's songwriting should not be ignored either; "Stuck Between Stations", the album's breathtaking opener, sounds almost like a modern "Born to Run", minus the saxophone solo.

Holly "Hallelujah", an enigmatic hoodrat from the band's earlier works, makes an appearance on the tender ballad "First Night", one of the album's two softer songs (the other being "Citrus") that render a balance to the album and provide the perfect complement for songs like "Same Kooks".

It should also not be disregarded that "You Can Make Him Like You" is, in fact, the greatest song about women ever.

Final Score: 89/100

Andrew W.K. - I Get Wet

Party Hard - Andrew W.K.

Let me briefly address how hilariously boss this guy is. He met his wife in a class that teaches heavy-metal vocals. He acts as a motivational speaker when he's not out making brutal faux-metal anthems. He acted on a television show called Black to the Future. He released an entire album consisting of covers of Japanese pop songs. During a photoshoot for his debut album, I Get Wet, he hit himself in the face with a brick to give himself a bloody nose and produce this image:



Andrew W.K. has created what should objectively be the worst album ever created. But it comes off as being impossible to hate; it's too much fun. For God's sake, there's a song called "Party Til You Puke". The lyrics sound like the dissident, rebellious writings of a tweenager fresh off a weekend without his cell phone ("You better get ready to die/You better get ready to run"). The guitars in the background ferociously churn, as some metalhead named Donald pounds relentlessly on the skins and provides a glorious backbeat for the crowds that assist in the sing-a-long choruses that are so abundant on I Get Wet.

But Andrew W.K. delivers it so perfectly, cementing this album's place as a flawless collection of ideal party anthems, so tongue-in-cheek you can hardly tell he's joking.

He's joking...
Right?

Final Score: 80/100

Weekly Countdown: Top 5 Singles of 2009

2009 was quite the year for music; we saw comebacks from grunge giants Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains, the emergence of glam-pop prima donna Lady Gaga, and we watched auto-tune slowly take over top 40 radio. It also brought an end to the decade that many called 'the downfall of music as we know it'; a statement that's downright foolish for anyone with a computer to say. While I must admit that there was an influx of shoddy mainstream rock bands who put more of a focus on image than music, it was an incredible decade for pop music, both independent and commercial. Without further ado, I present to you, my reader(s), my top 5 singles of 2009 (keep in mind that these are singles, not just any arbitrary album cuts).

5. Lady Gaga - Poker Face



4. Girls - Lust for Life



3. Animal Collective - Brother Sport



2. Jay-Z - Empire State of Mind (feat. Alicia Keys)



1. Phoenix - Lisztomania

The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound

Great Expectations - The Gasli...

The opening lines of 2008's The '59 Sound read as follows: "Mary, this station is playing every sad song/I remember like we were alive/And I heard and sung them all from inside of these walls/Of the prison cell where we spent those nights". With those few lines, The Gaslight Anthem set the tone for the rest of the record; bittersweet and picturesque. But what's really incredible about this is that the Bruce Springsteen flashbacks, allusions, and comparisons are just beginning.

The Gaslight Anthem draws very heavily from its influences, whether it be tales of heartbreak and lust in the streets of New Jersey or nostalgic, doleful numbers like "Here's Looking at You, Kid", one of the album's standout tracks, and a clever Casablanca reference. Brian Fallon definitely comes off as a Springsteen-esque youth with a defiant, daring edge, who can be quite the romantic or poet when duty calls.

While The '59 Sound comes in with flying colors, it begins to drag a bit after "Film Noir" ends, and hits an all time low at "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues", a downright disappointment to every bit of emotion the band had built up to that point. Fortunately, the band picks things up again on "Meet Me By The River's Edge", a song about young lovers that go down to a river to wash away their sins, and last year's nominee for Most Cliches in a Song. The album wraps it all up on a rocking note with "The Backseat"; while it's not the best album closer, it certainly serves its function quite well, and ends a great album, albeit an inconsistent one, on a grand note.

Final Score: 77/100

The Strokes - Is This It?

Hard To Explain - The Strokes

The Strokes are, in essence, the bastard child of Sonic Youth, garage rock, and all the cocky swagger that Pete Rose ever had. Julius Casablancas is an absolute animal on the microphone, belting out line after brash line on anthems for hipsters and the common man alike in "Someday" and "Hard to Explain". The man is so confident, he even lets out a little chuckle at the beginning of "New York City Cops", under layers of atrocious production that give these New Yorkers their unmistakable charm.

Speaking of the Big Apple, it's a shame that Americans that bought this album early in its lifespan were robbed of New York City Cops, whose chorus claims that these urban authority figures "ain't too smart". It's truly one of the record's best tracks, epitomizing the anxious, arrogant mood present throughout each of its perfectly constructed numbers.

But let's not kid ourselves here. These guys are not revolutionaries and did not usher in a new era of monumental and brilliant music. It's no Revolver or Sgt. Pepper's, but it's a damn strong album that's almost perfect from beginning to end. Is it the most important piece of media to be released this century? Doubtful. Is it one of the best albums to be released in the last 10 years? Almost certainly. Will it be remembered as one of the best straightforward rock records of our generation, that managed to blend the past with the present to create something so remarkably simple yet unforgettable? Absolutely.

Final Score: 97/100